Nothing short of amazing...

The following post is from the mother of a little girl (Kaitlyn) who crossed paths with our nephew Max during treatments for cancer at Memorial Children's hospital. I felt compelled to share it because I think we can all benefit from the sheer joy of realizing how much Max touched others even when we were not aware of it. The devastating loss of Max in March of 2010 caused an enormous hole in our lives. Knowing that he continues to touch others even after his passing is truly remarkable...He will forever be missed and never forgotten...here is the post written by Kaitlyn's mom on her Caringbridge site:


Living life to the Max

been a while since we updated. things have been going great. yesterday was a HUGE milestone for Kaitlyn. She started school!!! She was excited, but when she got there...things didn't go as planned. She cried but eventually warmed up to the idea. Day two was today. It was a whole lot smoother. No tears at all. Even rode the bus both ways!!

Life. Life can change in the blink of an eye. Just when you think life is going right, your life takes a left turn for the worst. Lets see if I can place you in my shoes for the moment. I’m unhappy, frustrated and angry because all of this could have been prevented two times prior to this time. I’ve been to the Emergency Room two times in the last 48 hours and now I’m standing in an inpatient hospital room on a pediatric floor holding my then 17 month old daughter who is kicking and screaming and burning up. A nurse comes in to take her vitals. Her temperature was 102.9. Her heart rate was 144 and blood pressure was never taken due to her discomfort and anxiety. Usually I could console her and she’d be just fine, but today was another story. Nothing I did could calm Kaitlyn down. The nurse left the room to get the family doctor to come in and exam her.When the doctor walked in, I was hopeful that I’d get some kind of answers. Kaitlyn had never acted like this before. I knew that something was wrong. As the doctor examined her, together we noticed that Kaitlyn’s right ring finger was very swollen and tender. I hadn’t noticed that before. She proceeded to examine her. She mentioned that Kaitlyn did have petechiae all over her chest and skin. She told me that it was caused by a low platelet count. I explained to her that both times I went into the ER, I had asked for blood work and was refused. She suggested that we do a complete blood count. I agreed, she left the room and we waited for the labs to be drawn.When the my family doctor came back into the room, nobody could have ever prepared me for the news I was about to get. She told me that Kaitlyn’s complete count was a concern for acute leukemia. At that moment, I felt like my heart dropped to the floor. I could see her still talking to me, but it was almost like I couldn’t hear a word she was saying. I couldn’t hear anything. I couldn’t feel anything. I was numb. Did she really just say that? I mean, I knew Kaitlyn was sick, but I was definitely not prepared for this. I didn’t know who to call first, or even what to tell them. I didn’t believe it was leukemia. It couldn’t be. My child couldn’t have cancer. It didn’t feel real to me. I just sat there holding Kaitlyn and cried because I didn’t know what else to do. Here I was, numb. It was like the rug I was standing on, was pulled out from beneath me and I’d forgotten how to get up. This was real. I only remember bits and pieces from there on after. It was like a dreamlike state. I was so shocked at the news, my body shut down and I couldn’t process any more information. Our life would never be the same. Routine to us was chemotherapy, appointments, and spinal taps. Our home away from home became Memorial Hospital. Our new friends became the doctors, specialist, nurses and patients there. We learned what we called “code”. Code was medical terms that we had no knowledge of beforehand. This was our new life. Not necessarily a life we would have chosen, but we believed God had a plan and this was part of it. During our hospital stays we did however take several walks through the hospital. Everywhere you look is a different child, with a different story. You learn that maybe your story, which was so life changing for you isn’t that bad after all. There are people there, with sadder stories, which actually may not make it out. You get in the elevators and people just open up and talk to you about their story. You put all your emotions aside and actually believe in a better tomorrow. You discover a renewed sense of life. You just appreciate life so much more then you did the day before. You don’t want to take anything for granted anymore. Somewhere while I was walking down the halls in Memorial I decided that maybe I shouldn’t be asking God why; but why not? Maybe this renewed sense of appreciation for life is what my family needed. It brought everyone closer. Things we thought were so important, became less important.Our kids didn’t quite understand what cancer was, so we talked about it often. We talked about what causes it and how you treat it. We talked about what it does to your body, and the changes that take place. I wanted to educate my kids so that when we were up on the floor in the hospital they wouldn’t stare and ask questions there. I remember our first time up there. We were put in a room across from a little boy. He must have been undergoing treatment for a while because he had no hair. Matthew waited until we closed the door and asked if Kaitlyn would lose her hair. He seemed worried. We told him that eventually she would. He was upset because he didn’t want people to make fun of his sister for having no hair. We told him that the hair would grow back but right now it was important to fight the cancer.We later learned that the little boy across the hall from us was a boy named Max. I didn’t really know much about Max at that time. He was always just the cute little boy across the hall with a bright smile. He was just like Kaitlyn. He was full of energy and always smiling. Aside from the matching bald heads, you’d have never thought there was anything wrong. Kaitlyn never really talked to Max, it was always just a wave and a smile and the door would be shut. Something came up in our schedules and we ended up switching our clinic days. Max was no longer in the room across from us. However, this never stopped Kaitlyn from talking about him. We would see Max at clinic gatherings and parties. It didn’t just stop there, we would always be inpatient next to his room. I would constantly observe Kaitlyn talking about Max. It blew my mind. I learned more about Max through his caring bridge site. He was diagnosed in I believe December of 2007. It all started with tumors. His treatment plan at that time was chemotherapy and radiation. Those stubborn tumors kept coming back. His parents tried everything. Nothing was working. In the end he was a very very sick little boy. In March 2010, Max passed away. Kaitlyn began to talk more and more about Max during this period. I didn’t know how to explain to a then 3 year old that Max was now an angel. We did the best we could. We simply said that Max was no longer suffering from his cancer and was now watching over all his friends. He was in heaven. Kaitlyn would talk about what heaven was like. She would say the angels would jump on clouds like they were trampolines; and that Max had a white gown, halo and beautiful flying wings to come down and watch all the people that he cared about. It all started with storms. Whenever it would storm, Kaitlyn would try to console her brothers by telling them that it wasn’t storming. She would say, Max just got a strike in bowling. I was baffled that someone so young could come up with things like this. Matthew would ask , “ what about when its just raining, what is Max doing then?”. Kaitlyn would reply, “ running in the sprinkler, angels have to have fun too you know.” It didn’t just stop there. Kaitlyn would find pennies on the ground everywhere she went. She would pick them up and explain that Max throws them to her to let her know he’s watching over her. She would find pennies at the hospital, at the park, outside the house, in her room. They were placed in the most random places. Whenever we go by a fountain, she asks to throw pennies in it and says that she makes wishes for Max. Kaitlyn had a check up about a month ago. Her dad promised her that after her appointment she could have a balloon. We took her to the store after her appointment and she picked out a pink princess balloon. Anyway, we got home and the wind blew her balloon up and away. I was afraid she would cry, possibly even throw a fit because she wanted that balloon so very badly. Instead, as it floated away she just smiled and said, “I bet Max is going to love that balloon I sent up to him.”It goes on. Kaitlyn will be entering school this year for the first time. I felt it was important for her to learn to write her name. While making a K, she says the words “up to see max, over to play and back down to Kaitlyn’s house.” It is her way of remembering how to make a K. Last night on the way home from an outing, we were talking about clouds and rainbows. Kaitlyn says that Max makes the rainbows so they can slide from cloud to cloud. I don’t know where she comes up with this stuff but it amazes me. It amazes me because like I said earlier, Kaitlyn never really got to know Max. In a way I think that Max made Kaitlyn a little stronger. I think he gave her the fight he had. I find it truly amazing that such a young man can have such an impact on such a young girl. Not a day goes by that we don’t hear Kaitlyn mention Max. Today we were talking about Max again as a storm rolled in. I asked Kaitlyn why she is so attached to Max, and what she said was simply amazing. She said that she had a dream when she had cancer that her and Max were on a trampoline watching the clouds go by. She said Max held her hand and told her to wake up every day and live life like you don’t have cancer. He told her to beat cancer up for him and to live life to the Max. She said, “ that’s all I am trying to do mom!”

What's For Breakfast?

Ahhhhhh, breakfast. A favorite topic for me. My goal with this post is not to ram the Paleo lifestyle down your throat. I will try and take a more subtle approach so as not to have you go into complete and utter despair. I get asked a lot about what to eat for that first meal of the day when one adopts a paleo diet. The look of fear in their eyes when you tell them they will be cutting out the things their parents used to feed them is no joke. Yes, the cereal, the oatmeal, the toast with jelly, and even the beloved pop tarts and toaster strudels must go. "What then will I eat?" you ask. Well for starters we need to get rid of the age old assumption that you can only eat, eggs, pancakes and waffles for breakfast. Who says you can't heat up last night's leftover salmon and throw it on some salad greens with a drizzle of olive oil and balsamic vinegar? Throw some fresh veggies on there and you have yourself a great meal. I know you may be thinking, YUCK! Salmon in the morning? Or maybe it is a chicken breast or a leftover hunk of steak? We DO eat these meals at other times right? So why then can't we have them in the morning? It is at this time that you need some good quality fuel. You've essentially been fasting for at least 10-12 hours from the time you finished dinner until the time you wake.
So, get past this myth that we can only eat "breakfast food" for our first meal of the day and try out what I have suggested. You may find that it is something that works for you by helping you stay fueled better and on track with a healthy lifestyle.
Of course if you are one who loves the heck out of eggs by all means get your egg on in the mornings. But even I get tired of eggs occasionally and feel the need to mix it up with the type of food I eat at my first meal.

Ticking clock

I was inspired to write this post by a peice I read on Lisbeth Darsh's blog. She is one of my favorites in the Crossfit community because she has quite the knack for urging others to wade through the bullsh*t so that they may live life.
Her latest post focused on the need to quit wasting time...It really resonated with me because I have come to realize that there is no PERFECT time for anything...If we stop waiting for the right things to "happen" to us we might find we have the time to actually make our dreams/goals reality. I see so many people, myself included sometimes, who are waiting for some perfect moment when they will start working towards a goal. That perfect moment is always, NOW.
Let's take an individuals health for instance. How can anyone really justify "waiting" to get healthy? As Lisbeth points out, you don't get a do over, you can't stop the clock and restart it. Why then do some folks live by the "I'll start tomorrow" rule? I know it's daunting. Changing the way you have approached life up to this point, whoever you are, won't be easy.
But here's the thing, take a look around you. See anyone who is important enough to you to light a fire under your ass? My guess is that you do. You have to start somewhere so if you are uninformed about what foods you should be putting into your body, then GET informed. If you have been meaning to get to the gym, then GET to the gym. No one can do this for you. That clock is ticking and it stops for no one, including you.