On October 17 through November 16th I completed the Whole30. I will briefly explain what the Whole 30 is for those of you that are unfamiliar with it. It is essentially 30 days of eating REAL food. You know, that stuff our ancestors ate. Meat, veggies, some fruit, good fats. It is NOT grains, dairy, alcohol, added sugars, or processed fattening carbohydrates.
Before embarking on this personal challenge I think it is important to point out that I was already eating this way about 85% of the time. In other words, there are certainly times when alcohol, grains and dairy make their way into my diet. Usually this is by way of my nightly glass of red wine, some corn tortillas here and there and goat cheese. Oh, and I cannot forget my love for good dark chocolate. Sure there were other "off the rails" items, but really for the most part I eat a fairly clean diet and am able to comply to clean eating the majority of the time.
So, when I decided to finally commit to 30 days of a 100% compliant Paleo diet, I knew I just needed to reign in a handful of items and that it would not be such a drastic change to my regular eating habits. Don't misunderstand me. Just because it wasn't a huge leap from my regular eating habits does not mean it was not hard! It taught me things about myself that I never knew. I realized I am MUCH stronger than I thought when it comes to choosing a healthy body over instant gratification from sugar. After the first week I truly felt empowered. I have never slept better than I did during those 30 days and the aches and pains I would complain of after a Crossfit WOD were nearly nonexistent.
My reason for embarking on this journey was mainly for vanity...I am bound and determined to uncover this six pack that I know lies under a layer of belly fat. I can see parts of it...It is there, and I want to see all of it!
I highly recommend you visit www.whole9life.com and sift through it for loads of invaluable information. Seriously before you read on you really should take a peek at Dallas and Melissa's site and get an idea of what this is all about. Especially if you give a crap at all about what it is you put into your body.
Hopefully you have visited the site and now have a basic understanding of what the Whole 30 is. I would like to give you my thoughts on what the Whole 30 is NOT. Mainly because I think it is important to implement it and commit to maintaining the integrity of the program. Simply put, if you follow it the way it was written, it works. If you don't, it doesn't. Simple as that.
The Whole 30 is NOT a diet. It is also NOT a 22 day program with 8 cheat days built in. ( AKA"The weekends") It is NOT 30 days of torture only to be followed by 335 days of gluttony.
Here is what the Whole 30 IS. It IS life changing. It IS the path to healing your insides. It IS about eating real food and learning that what you put into your body actually matters. It IS a test of the level of respect you have for this one body you were given. The Whole 30 is what you make of it. I did not know all this first hand until I actually decided to give it a shot. My only regret is that I waited so long to do it;)
So, for 30 days I did not consume a drop of alcohol, nor any grains, dairy or added sugars. I say added sugars because I have had a handful of grapes, a handful of raisins and approximately half an apple during the 30 days. Fruit is not off limits but I wanted maximum results so I chose to really limit my intake of it. You may be wondering what I HAVE eaten during this time! Well, here is a short list of some of the meals I have prepared under these guidelines. (Most of these can be found in the cookbooks I have listed on the left side of my blog)
Shrimp and Sausage Casserole
Sawmill Gravy and Biscuits
Pumpkin Souffle
Eggs and Chicken Sausage
Homemade Chicken Salad
Sweet Potatoes (Only post workout)
Frittatas
Garden Meatballs
Grass fed beef Burgers with Portabellos
Better Butter Chicken
Morning Glory Muffins (just 1!)
Columbus Deli Meat (usually as snack)
Steak and Shrimp Tacos
Puerto Rican Beef
This list goes on and on...I will note that I took every opportunity I could to eat vegetables with each of these meals. Even if vegetables were in the recipe I still made sure to get some more on my plate:) I drank water whenever I could and had coffee too. Thank goodness coffee is Whole 30 approved or things would have gotten ugly.
I started feeling better and noticing slight changes in my body after about 1 week. This really helped keep me motivated as I realized what could happen with 30 days of this! I stopped thinking about what I was missing out on and started focusing on the good that I was doing for not only my body composition but my performance in the gym as well. The things I ask of my body each day cannot be attained if I am putting crap into it. Period.
While I fortunately have the ability to prepare almost all of my meals myself, I was met with a dinner or two out. I was very apprehensive about these times but knew that I could make the best of it. Those that know me know that my first line of business was to figure out how I was going to sit in a social setting and not order a cocktail! Sad but true! After my first night out where the rest of the party was drinking I realized it was not the alcohol I craved but just the social aspect of having a drink in my hand and sipping on it. It felt awkward to me to go up to the bar and order a water (again sad but true) so I ordered a club soda with a lime and that is all it took to keep me on track:) I am sure this is making me sound like a borderline alcoholic but I am more trying to make the point that I finally realized that its not the drink I want but the social aspect.
So when my 30 days ended I immediately decided I was going to keep this ball rolling. Mainly because while I lost 10 pounds according to my scale and do see some major improvement in my abdominal area I do still have some fat to lose on my midsection. This was not a difficult decision to make. I have not reached my goal yet so why in the world would I stop what I am doing? So after about a week and a half of some "not Whole30 approved" items I am once again being very mindful about what goes into my body. I guess I'll call it my second Whole30 with a few liberties. In other words, Monday through Friday is strict...no exceptions. IF I find myself out on the weekend I may indulge in a glass of red wine or a NorCal Margarita...I will enjoy it and move on:)
I also would like to point out that just this morning while flipping through my workout journal to record a new PR on my Split Jerk I realized that this was my 3rd PR while on the Whole30:) My Back squat and front squat 1RM also increased during those 30 days. It's amazing what clean eating will do for you;)
I did take before and after pictures but I decided to wait to post those until I reach my goal...I will include my before, my midway point and my final one:) Thanks for reading about my journey and I would be glad to answer any questions anyone has for me:)
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Chicago Marathon 2011
As many of you already know, I ran the Chicago Marathon this past Sunday. To say it was an amazing experience really does not do it justice. When I signed up for the marathon I was doing so with the intent that this would be my first and last marathon. However, I knew on the ride home yesterday that I would absolutely run Chicago again. There are so many things about it that touched me that putting it into words is difficult.
First I need to lightly touch on the training I did. I am sure this will bore some of you, but, too bad keep reading. It's a small paragraph. I did not train the traditional way for the race. Meaning I was not seen out on the roads nor on a treadmill logging countless hours/miles and beating my body to a pulp. Instead I followed the Crossfit Endurance site where Crossfit is the program (i.e Strength and Conditioning) and the endurance workouts were a supplement to that. A typical Monday for me was a Crossfit WOD in the morning followed by an endurance WOD in the p.m. Tuesday was just Crossfit and Wednesday looked the same as Monday. The Monday and Wednesday p.m. endurance workouts were varied...some long intervals, some short. Thursday was a rest day, Friday was Crossfit only. On Sundays I would do a Time Trial, which is an all out effort of either a set time or distance. Alternatively, I would do a Tempo run, which is a particular distance or time at a slightly scaled back effort..say 75-85% of your all out effort. My distances throughout my training for the tempo and time trial runs ranged from 1 mile to 10 miles. Never did I run over 10 miles while training for this race. And I only did that run once! The rest of my Sunday runs were typically 5k's, a handful of 5 milers and a few 10k's. I know, it sounds screwy, but it just proves how great the Crossfit Endurance program is. Enough said.
Now on to the good stuff...
Having never run a full marathon before I was not sure what to expect. Not only was this twice the distance I had ever run, it was Chicago. There were over 100 countries represented in the race and runners from every state in our nation. As I made my way to the start corral the enormity of the race started to sink in. As I scanned the mass of people that were huddled around me, what I saw were so many people from all walks of life. It was clear that some had run this race before and some were attempting it for the first time. Everyone had their own reason for doing it. There were literally thousands of runners running for one charity or another. Beating Cancer of every kind was clearly at the top of the list of causes that so many were running for. I felt such a sense of hope seeing all these runners out here raising money to help fight a disease that touched them in some way. Whether they had lost a loved one, or KNEW someone who had . Here they were, about to conquer a race course that would not be kind to them, but would test them both physically and mentally, every step of the way.
With my mind a little more at ease, and the start line within eyesight now, I just let the moment sink in. I would only experience this feeling once, and I wanted to cherish it and never forget it. It was at this point that I let all my fears go and just told myself that my only goal was to go out there and run. To run because I COULD, and to think about all those who could not anymore. And every time I came upon another runner and saw a picture on the back of their shirt of a loved one, who they were running for, I too wanted to run for that person. No burpees, no thrusters, no pull ups or deadlifts, I just had to run.
I won't bore you with every little detail of my experience during the race but I will share with you another part of what made this unforgettable for me: the crowd support. I had been told by many friends that Chicago was such a great first time marathon to do because the crowd support was so tremendous. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined just how awesome it was. There were strangers cheering all of us on the entire race. They had signs, words of encouragement and looks of admiration as all the runners made their way through the streets. They cheered not only for a friend or family member but for EVERYONE. Several times throughout the race I got choked up at all the encouragement the crowd was providing to us. I know that without that support my race would have been considerably harder than it was. And believe me it was hard. Which brings me to the next part...
I have some words of thanks and gratitude to express. First, to my husband Tom, and our daughter Hannah. Without them, none of what I get to do each day would be possible. I am forever thankful and very fortunate that each day I get to do what I love. They both put up with a tremendous amount of craziness from me. Most of my days are scheduled around my Crossfit workouts and sometimes that gets in the way of things they want to do, but they know how important it is to me so they make sacrifices, however big or small. They have dealt fairly well with a shift to Paleo in our household over the past two years. I know it has not been easy for them but they make an incredible effort because they know it is important to me. I love you both with all my heart and you are a huge part of the reason I was able to run and complete this marathon.
I would also like to thank everyone at Crossfit South Bend for all the support and encouragement I receive every time I walk through the door. Not only does it come from all the awesome coaches, but every member there as well. Crossfit has become a part of me that I cannot imagine living without. It has changed me in so many ways. I know to those that don't do Crossfit that this seems like a fanatical statement, but it is an accurate one. It has taught me that along with personal growth come some hard lessons. Necessary, but nonetheless, hard.
Last, but not least, Thank You to ALL my friends and family. Your words of encouragement and your belief in me was certainly a huge part of what got me through this race. Each of you (and thank goodness there are many) truly make me a better person. Without your support, friendship and love my life would not be the same.
XOXO
Tara
First I need to lightly touch on the training I did. I am sure this will bore some of you, but, too bad keep reading. It's a small paragraph. I did not train the traditional way for the race. Meaning I was not seen out on the roads nor on a treadmill logging countless hours/miles and beating my body to a pulp. Instead I followed the Crossfit Endurance site where Crossfit is the program (i.e Strength and Conditioning) and the endurance workouts were a supplement to that. A typical Monday for me was a Crossfit WOD in the morning followed by an endurance WOD in the p.m. Tuesday was just Crossfit and Wednesday looked the same as Monday. The Monday and Wednesday p.m. endurance workouts were varied...some long intervals, some short. Thursday was a rest day, Friday was Crossfit only. On Sundays I would do a Time Trial, which is an all out effort of either a set time or distance. Alternatively, I would do a Tempo run, which is a particular distance or time at a slightly scaled back effort..say 75-85% of your all out effort. My distances throughout my training for the tempo and time trial runs ranged from 1 mile to 10 miles. Never did I run over 10 miles while training for this race. And I only did that run once! The rest of my Sunday runs were typically 5k's, a handful of 5 milers and a few 10k's. I know, it sounds screwy, but it just proves how great the Crossfit Endurance program is. Enough said.
Now on to the good stuff...
Having never run a full marathon before I was not sure what to expect. Not only was this twice the distance I had ever run, it was Chicago. There were over 100 countries represented in the race and runners from every state in our nation. As I made my way to the start corral the enormity of the race started to sink in. As I scanned the mass of people that were huddled around me, what I saw were so many people from all walks of life. It was clear that some had run this race before and some were attempting it for the first time. Everyone had their own reason for doing it. There were literally thousands of runners running for one charity or another. Beating Cancer of every kind was clearly at the top of the list of causes that so many were running for. I felt such a sense of hope seeing all these runners out here raising money to help fight a disease that touched them in some way. Whether they had lost a loved one, or KNEW someone who had . Here they were, about to conquer a race course that would not be kind to them, but would test them both physically and mentally, every step of the way.
With my mind a little more at ease, and the start line within eyesight now, I just let the moment sink in. I would only experience this feeling once, and I wanted to cherish it and never forget it. It was at this point that I let all my fears go and just told myself that my only goal was to go out there and run. To run because I COULD, and to think about all those who could not anymore. And every time I came upon another runner and saw a picture on the back of their shirt of a loved one, who they were running for, I too wanted to run for that person. No burpees, no thrusters, no pull ups or deadlifts, I just had to run.
I won't bore you with every little detail of my experience during the race but I will share with you another part of what made this unforgettable for me: the crowd support. I had been told by many friends that Chicago was such a great first time marathon to do because the crowd support was so tremendous. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined just how awesome it was. There were strangers cheering all of us on the entire race. They had signs, words of encouragement and looks of admiration as all the runners made their way through the streets. They cheered not only for a friend or family member but for EVERYONE. Several times throughout the race I got choked up at all the encouragement the crowd was providing to us. I know that without that support my race would have been considerably harder than it was. And believe me it was hard. Which brings me to the next part...
I have some words of thanks and gratitude to express. First, to my husband Tom, and our daughter Hannah. Without them, none of what I get to do each day would be possible. I am forever thankful and very fortunate that each day I get to do what I love. They both put up with a tremendous amount of craziness from me. Most of my days are scheduled around my Crossfit workouts and sometimes that gets in the way of things they want to do, but they know how important it is to me so they make sacrifices, however big or small. They have dealt fairly well with a shift to Paleo in our household over the past two years. I know it has not been easy for them but they make an incredible effort because they know it is important to me. I love you both with all my heart and you are a huge part of the reason I was able to run and complete this marathon.
I would also like to thank everyone at Crossfit South Bend for all the support and encouragement I receive every time I walk through the door. Not only does it come from all the awesome coaches, but every member there as well. Crossfit has become a part of me that I cannot imagine living without. It has changed me in so many ways. I know to those that don't do Crossfit that this seems like a fanatical statement, but it is an accurate one. It has taught me that along with personal growth come some hard lessons. Necessary, but nonetheless, hard.
Last, but not least, Thank You to ALL my friends and family. Your words of encouragement and your belief in me was certainly a huge part of what got me through this race. Each of you (and thank goodness there are many) truly make me a better person. Without your support, friendship and love my life would not be the same.
XOXO
Tara
Monday, August 29, 2011
Nothing short of amazing...
The following post is from the mother of a little girl (Kaitlyn) who crossed paths with our nephew Max during treatments for cancer at Memorial Children's hospital. I felt compelled to share it because I think we can all benefit from the sheer joy of realizing how much Max touched others even when we were not aware of it. The devastating loss of Max in March of 2010 caused an enormous hole in our lives. Knowing that he continues to touch others even after his passing is truly remarkable...He will forever be missed and never forgotten...here is the post written by Kaitlyn's mom on her Caringbridge site:
Living life to the Max
been a while since we updated. things have been going great. yesterday was a HUGE milestone for Kaitlyn. She started school!!! She was excited, but when she got there...things didn't go as planned. She cried but eventually warmed up to the idea. Day two was today. It was a whole lot smoother. No tears at all. Even rode the bus both ways!!
Life. Life can change in the blink of an eye. Just when you think life is going right, your life takes a left turn for the worst. Lets see if I can place you in my shoes for the moment. I’m unhappy, frustrated and angry because all of this could have been prevented two times prior to this time. I’ve been to the Emergency Room two times in the last 48 hours and now I’m standing in an inpatient hospital room on a pediatric floor holding my then 17 month old daughter who is kicking and screaming and burning up. A nurse comes in to take her vitals. Her temperature was 102.9. Her heart rate was 144 and blood pressure was never taken due to her discomfort and anxiety. Usually I could console her and she’d be just fine, but today was another story. Nothing I did could calm Kaitlyn down. The nurse left the room to get the family doctor to come in and exam her.When the doctor walked in, I was hopeful that I’d get some kind of answers. Kaitlyn had never acted like this before. I knew that something was wrong. As the doctor examined her, together we noticed that Kaitlyn’s right ring finger was very swollen and tender. I hadn’t noticed that before. She proceeded to examine her. She mentioned that Kaitlyn did have petechiae all over her chest and skin. She told me that it was caused by a low platelet count. I explained to her that both times I went into the ER, I had asked for blood work and was refused. She suggested that we do a complete blood count. I agreed, she left the room and we waited for the labs to be drawn.When the my family doctor came back into the room, nobody could have ever prepared me for the news I was about to get. She told me that Kaitlyn’s complete count was a concern for acute leukemia. At that moment, I felt like my heart dropped to the floor. I could see her still talking to me, but it was almost like I couldn’t hear a word she was saying. I couldn’t hear anything. I couldn’t feel anything. I was numb. Did she really just say that? I mean, I knew Kaitlyn was sick, but I was definitely not prepared for this. I didn’t know who to call first, or even what to tell them. I didn’t believe it was leukemia. It couldn’t be. My child couldn’t have cancer. It didn’t feel real to me. I just sat there holding Kaitlyn and cried because I didn’t know what else to do. Here I was, numb. It was like the rug I was standing on, was pulled out from beneath me and I’d forgotten how to get up. This was real. I only remember bits and pieces from there on after. It was like a dreamlike state. I was so shocked at the news, my body shut down and I couldn’t process any more information. Our life would never be the same. Routine to us was chemotherapy, appointments, and spinal taps. Our home away from home became Memorial Hospital. Our new friends became the doctors, specialist, nurses and patients there. We learned what we called “code”. Code was medical terms that we had no knowledge of beforehand. This was our new life. Not necessarily a life we would have chosen, but we believed God had a plan and this was part of it. During our hospital stays we did however take several walks through the hospital. Everywhere you look is a different child, with a different story. You learn that maybe your story, which was so life changing for you isn’t that bad after all. There are people there, with sadder stories, which actually may not make it out. You get in the elevators and people just open up and talk to you about their story. You put all your emotions aside and actually believe in a better tomorrow. You discover a renewed sense of life. You just appreciate life so much more then you did the day before. You don’t want to take anything for granted anymore. Somewhere while I was walking down the halls in Memorial I decided that maybe I shouldn’t be asking God why; but why not? Maybe this renewed sense of appreciation for life is what my family needed. It brought everyone closer. Things we thought were so important, became less important.Our kids didn’t quite understand what cancer was, so we talked about it often. We talked about what causes it and how you treat it. We talked about what it does to your body, and the changes that take place. I wanted to educate my kids so that when we were up on the floor in the hospital they wouldn’t stare and ask questions there. I remember our first time up there. We were put in a room across from a little boy. He must have been undergoing treatment for a while because he had no hair. Matthew waited until we closed the door and asked if Kaitlyn would lose her hair. He seemed worried. We told him that eventually she would. He was upset because he didn’t want people to make fun of his sister for having no hair. We told him that the hair would grow back but right now it was important to fight the cancer.We later learned that the little boy across the hall from us was a boy named Max. I didn’t really know much about Max at that time. He was always just the cute little boy across the hall with a bright smile. He was just like Kaitlyn. He was full of energy and always smiling. Aside from the matching bald heads, you’d have never thought there was anything wrong. Kaitlyn never really talked to Max, it was always just a wave and a smile and the door would be shut. Something came up in our schedules and we ended up switching our clinic days. Max was no longer in the room across from us. However, this never stopped Kaitlyn from talking about him. We would see Max at clinic gatherings and parties. It didn’t just stop there, we would always be inpatient next to his room. I would constantly observe Kaitlyn talking about Max. It blew my mind. I learned more about Max through his caring bridge site. He was diagnosed in I believe December of 2007. It all started with tumors. His treatment plan at that time was chemotherapy and radiation. Those stubborn tumors kept coming back. His parents tried everything. Nothing was working. In the end he was a very very sick little boy. In March 2010, Max passed away. Kaitlyn began to talk more and more about Max during this period. I didn’t know how to explain to a then 3 year old that Max was now an angel. We did the best we could. We simply said that Max was no longer suffering from his cancer and was now watching over all his friends. He was in heaven. Kaitlyn would talk about what heaven was like. She would say the angels would jump on clouds like they were trampolines; and that Max had a white gown, halo and beautiful flying wings to come down and watch all the people that he cared about. It all started with storms. Whenever it would storm, Kaitlyn would try to console her brothers by telling them that it wasn’t storming. She would say, Max just got a strike in bowling. I was baffled that someone so young could come up with things like this. Matthew would ask , “ what about when its just raining, what is Max doing then?”. Kaitlyn would reply, “ running in the sprinkler, angels have to have fun too you know.” It didn’t just stop there. Kaitlyn would find pennies on the ground everywhere she went. She would pick them up and explain that Max throws them to her to let her know he’s watching over her. She would find pennies at the hospital, at the park, outside the house, in her room. They were placed in the most random places. Whenever we go by a fountain, she asks to throw pennies in it and says that she makes wishes for Max. Kaitlyn had a check up about a month ago. Her dad promised her that after her appointment she could have a balloon. We took her to the store after her appointment and she picked out a pink princess balloon. Anyway, we got home and the wind blew her balloon up and away. I was afraid she would cry, possibly even throw a fit because she wanted that balloon so very badly. Instead, as it floated away she just smiled and said, “I bet Max is going to love that balloon I sent up to him.”It goes on. Kaitlyn will be entering school this year for the first time. I felt it was important for her to learn to write her name. While making a K, she says the words “up to see max, over to play and back down to Kaitlyn’s house.” It is her way of remembering how to make a K. Last night on the way home from an outing, we were talking about clouds and rainbows. Kaitlyn says that Max makes the rainbows so they can slide from cloud to cloud. I don’t know where she comes up with this stuff but it amazes me. It amazes me because like I said earlier, Kaitlyn never really got to know Max. In a way I think that Max made Kaitlyn a little stronger. I think he gave her the fight he had. I find it truly amazing that such a young man can have such an impact on such a young girl. Not a day goes by that we don’t hear Kaitlyn mention Max. Today we were talking about Max again as a storm rolled in. I asked Kaitlyn why she is so attached to Max, and what she said was simply amazing. She said that she had a dream when she had cancer that her and Max were on a trampoline watching the clouds go by. She said Max held her hand and told her to wake up every day and live life like you don’t have cancer. He told her to beat cancer up for him and to live life to the Max. She said, “ that’s all I am trying to do mom!”
Living life to the Max
been a while since we updated. things have been going great. yesterday was a HUGE milestone for Kaitlyn. She started school!!! She was excited, but when she got there...things didn't go as planned. She cried but eventually warmed up to the idea. Day two was today. It was a whole lot smoother. No tears at all. Even rode the bus both ways!!
Life. Life can change in the blink of an eye. Just when you think life is going right, your life takes a left turn for the worst. Lets see if I can place you in my shoes for the moment. I’m unhappy, frustrated and angry because all of this could have been prevented two times prior to this time. I’ve been to the Emergency Room two times in the last 48 hours and now I’m standing in an inpatient hospital room on a pediatric floor holding my then 17 month old daughter who is kicking and screaming and burning up. A nurse comes in to take her vitals. Her temperature was 102.9. Her heart rate was 144 and blood pressure was never taken due to her discomfort and anxiety. Usually I could console her and she’d be just fine, but today was another story. Nothing I did could calm Kaitlyn down. The nurse left the room to get the family doctor to come in and exam her.When the doctor walked in, I was hopeful that I’d get some kind of answers. Kaitlyn had never acted like this before. I knew that something was wrong. As the doctor examined her, together we noticed that Kaitlyn’s right ring finger was very swollen and tender. I hadn’t noticed that before. She proceeded to examine her. She mentioned that Kaitlyn did have petechiae all over her chest and skin. She told me that it was caused by a low platelet count. I explained to her that both times I went into the ER, I had asked for blood work and was refused. She suggested that we do a complete blood count. I agreed, she left the room and we waited for the labs to be drawn.When the my family doctor came back into the room, nobody could have ever prepared me for the news I was about to get. She told me that Kaitlyn’s complete count was a concern for acute leukemia. At that moment, I felt like my heart dropped to the floor. I could see her still talking to me, but it was almost like I couldn’t hear a word she was saying. I couldn’t hear anything. I couldn’t feel anything. I was numb. Did she really just say that? I mean, I knew Kaitlyn was sick, but I was definitely not prepared for this. I didn’t know who to call first, or even what to tell them. I didn’t believe it was leukemia. It couldn’t be. My child couldn’t have cancer. It didn’t feel real to me. I just sat there holding Kaitlyn and cried because I didn’t know what else to do. Here I was, numb. It was like the rug I was standing on, was pulled out from beneath me and I’d forgotten how to get up. This was real. I only remember bits and pieces from there on after. It was like a dreamlike state. I was so shocked at the news, my body shut down and I couldn’t process any more information. Our life would never be the same. Routine to us was chemotherapy, appointments, and spinal taps. Our home away from home became Memorial Hospital. Our new friends became the doctors, specialist, nurses and patients there. We learned what we called “code”. Code was medical terms that we had no knowledge of beforehand. This was our new life. Not necessarily a life we would have chosen, but we believed God had a plan and this was part of it. During our hospital stays we did however take several walks through the hospital. Everywhere you look is a different child, with a different story. You learn that maybe your story, which was so life changing for you isn’t that bad after all. There are people there, with sadder stories, which actually may not make it out. You get in the elevators and people just open up and talk to you about their story. You put all your emotions aside and actually believe in a better tomorrow. You discover a renewed sense of life. You just appreciate life so much more then you did the day before. You don’t want to take anything for granted anymore. Somewhere while I was walking down the halls in Memorial I decided that maybe I shouldn’t be asking God why; but why not? Maybe this renewed sense of appreciation for life is what my family needed. It brought everyone closer. Things we thought were so important, became less important.Our kids didn’t quite understand what cancer was, so we talked about it often. We talked about what causes it and how you treat it. We talked about what it does to your body, and the changes that take place. I wanted to educate my kids so that when we were up on the floor in the hospital they wouldn’t stare and ask questions there. I remember our first time up there. We were put in a room across from a little boy. He must have been undergoing treatment for a while because he had no hair. Matthew waited until we closed the door and asked if Kaitlyn would lose her hair. He seemed worried. We told him that eventually she would. He was upset because he didn’t want people to make fun of his sister for having no hair. We told him that the hair would grow back but right now it was important to fight the cancer.We later learned that the little boy across the hall from us was a boy named Max. I didn’t really know much about Max at that time. He was always just the cute little boy across the hall with a bright smile. He was just like Kaitlyn. He was full of energy and always smiling. Aside from the matching bald heads, you’d have never thought there was anything wrong. Kaitlyn never really talked to Max, it was always just a wave and a smile and the door would be shut. Something came up in our schedules and we ended up switching our clinic days. Max was no longer in the room across from us. However, this never stopped Kaitlyn from talking about him. We would see Max at clinic gatherings and parties. It didn’t just stop there, we would always be inpatient next to his room. I would constantly observe Kaitlyn talking about Max. It blew my mind. I learned more about Max through his caring bridge site. He was diagnosed in I believe December of 2007. It all started with tumors. His treatment plan at that time was chemotherapy and radiation. Those stubborn tumors kept coming back. His parents tried everything. Nothing was working. In the end he was a very very sick little boy. In March 2010, Max passed away. Kaitlyn began to talk more and more about Max during this period. I didn’t know how to explain to a then 3 year old that Max was now an angel. We did the best we could. We simply said that Max was no longer suffering from his cancer and was now watching over all his friends. He was in heaven. Kaitlyn would talk about what heaven was like. She would say the angels would jump on clouds like they were trampolines; and that Max had a white gown, halo and beautiful flying wings to come down and watch all the people that he cared about. It all started with storms. Whenever it would storm, Kaitlyn would try to console her brothers by telling them that it wasn’t storming. She would say, Max just got a strike in bowling. I was baffled that someone so young could come up with things like this. Matthew would ask , “ what about when its just raining, what is Max doing then?”. Kaitlyn would reply, “ running in the sprinkler, angels have to have fun too you know.” It didn’t just stop there. Kaitlyn would find pennies on the ground everywhere she went. She would pick them up and explain that Max throws them to her to let her know he’s watching over her. She would find pennies at the hospital, at the park, outside the house, in her room. They were placed in the most random places. Whenever we go by a fountain, she asks to throw pennies in it and says that she makes wishes for Max. Kaitlyn had a check up about a month ago. Her dad promised her that after her appointment she could have a balloon. We took her to the store after her appointment and she picked out a pink princess balloon. Anyway, we got home and the wind blew her balloon up and away. I was afraid she would cry, possibly even throw a fit because she wanted that balloon so very badly. Instead, as it floated away she just smiled and said, “I bet Max is going to love that balloon I sent up to him.”It goes on. Kaitlyn will be entering school this year for the first time. I felt it was important for her to learn to write her name. While making a K, she says the words “up to see max, over to play and back down to Kaitlyn’s house.” It is her way of remembering how to make a K. Last night on the way home from an outing, we were talking about clouds and rainbows. Kaitlyn says that Max makes the rainbows so they can slide from cloud to cloud. I don’t know where she comes up with this stuff but it amazes me. It amazes me because like I said earlier, Kaitlyn never really got to know Max. In a way I think that Max made Kaitlyn a little stronger. I think he gave her the fight he had. I find it truly amazing that such a young man can have such an impact on such a young girl. Not a day goes by that we don’t hear Kaitlyn mention Max. Today we were talking about Max again as a storm rolled in. I asked Kaitlyn why she is so attached to Max, and what she said was simply amazing. She said that she had a dream when she had cancer that her and Max were on a trampoline watching the clouds go by. She said Max held her hand and told her to wake up every day and live life like you don’t have cancer. He told her to beat cancer up for him and to live life to the Max. She said, “ that’s all I am trying to do mom!”
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
What's For Breakfast?
Ahhhhhh, breakfast. A favorite topic for me. My goal with this post is not to ram the Paleo lifestyle down your throat. I will try and take a more subtle approach so as not to have you go into complete and utter despair. I get asked a lot about what to eat for that first meal of the day when one adopts a paleo diet. The look of fear in their eyes when you tell them they will be cutting out the things their parents used to feed them is no joke. Yes, the cereal, the oatmeal, the toast with jelly, and even the beloved pop tarts and toaster strudels must go. "What then will I eat?" you ask. Well for starters we need to get rid of the age old assumption that you can only eat, eggs, pancakes and waffles for breakfast. Who says you can't heat up last night's leftover salmon and throw it on some salad greens with a drizzle of olive oil and balsamic vinegar? Throw some fresh veggies on there and you have yourself a great meal. I know you may be thinking, YUCK! Salmon in the morning? Or maybe it is a chicken breast or a leftover hunk of steak? We DO eat these meals at other times right? So why then can't we have them in the morning? It is at this time that you need some good quality fuel. You've essentially been fasting for at least 10-12 hours from the time you finished dinner until the time you wake.
So, get past this myth that we can only eat "breakfast food" for our first meal of the day and try out what I have suggested. You may find that it is something that works for you by helping you stay fueled better and on track with a healthy lifestyle.
Of course if you are one who loves the heck out of eggs by all means get your egg on in the mornings. But even I get tired of eggs occasionally and feel the need to mix it up with the type of food I eat at my first meal.
So, get past this myth that we can only eat "breakfast food" for our first meal of the day and try out what I have suggested. You may find that it is something that works for you by helping you stay fueled better and on track with a healthy lifestyle.
Of course if you are one who loves the heck out of eggs by all means get your egg on in the mornings. But even I get tired of eggs occasionally and feel the need to mix it up with the type of food I eat at my first meal.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Ticking clock
I was inspired to write this post by a peice I read on Lisbeth Darsh's blog. She is one of my favorites in the Crossfit community because she has quite the knack for urging others to wade through the bullsh*t so that they may live life.
Her latest post focused on the need to quit wasting time...It really resonated with me because I have come to realize that there is no PERFECT time for anything...If we stop waiting for the right things to "happen" to us we might find we have the time to actually make our dreams/goals reality. I see so many people, myself included sometimes, who are waiting for some perfect moment when they will start working towards a goal. That perfect moment is always, NOW.
Let's take an individuals health for instance. How can anyone really justify "waiting" to get healthy? As Lisbeth points out, you don't get a do over, you can't stop the clock and restart it. Why then do some folks live by the "I'll start tomorrow" rule? I know it's daunting. Changing the way you have approached life up to this point, whoever you are, won't be easy.
But here's the thing, take a look around you. See anyone who is important enough to you to light a fire under your ass? My guess is that you do. You have to start somewhere so if you are uninformed about what foods you should be putting into your body, then GET informed. If you have been meaning to get to the gym, then GET to the gym. No one can do this for you. That clock is ticking and it stops for no one, including you.
Her latest post focused on the need to quit wasting time...It really resonated with me because I have come to realize that there is no PERFECT time for anything...If we stop waiting for the right things to "happen" to us we might find we have the time to actually make our dreams/goals reality. I see so many people, myself included sometimes, who are waiting for some perfect moment when they will start working towards a goal. That perfect moment is always, NOW.
Let's take an individuals health for instance. How can anyone really justify "waiting" to get healthy? As Lisbeth points out, you don't get a do over, you can't stop the clock and restart it. Why then do some folks live by the "I'll start tomorrow" rule? I know it's daunting. Changing the way you have approached life up to this point, whoever you are, won't be easy.
But here's the thing, take a look around you. See anyone who is important enough to you to light a fire under your ass? My guess is that you do. You have to start somewhere so if you are uninformed about what foods you should be putting into your body, then GET informed. If you have been meaning to get to the gym, then GET to the gym. No one can do this for you. That clock is ticking and it stops for no one, including you.
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